Feels, Sheep, & Transitions

In almost exactly 24 hours I will be heading back to America and officially saying goodbye to China. And as the young kids say these days, I am most definitely "all up in my feels." 

As most of you know by now, I have made the decision to return to America (California to be exact) to pursue my Master's degree in Student Affairs & Higher Education at UCLA this upcoming year.

 This was probably one of the hardest decisions I've made in my life, thus far. I wish I could tell you that this was an easy decision and that one night The Lord to me and directly told me to go to UCLA to get my Master's degree in Student Affairs. Unfortunately, it didn't play out like that. Instead, I prayed, I internally and verbally processed, I tossed and turned at night at times, I read The Word & journaled, I even fasted one day all while seeking His wisdom and clarity in making my decision-the decision of staying in China another year to continue teaching and furthering my existing relationships with students, or going back to America to pursue my Masters degree in a field that I felt led to pursue. Ultimately, after a very encouraging and uplifting conversation with a wise teammate of mine, He reminded me that in our Savior, we have freedom. Our gracious and merciful Father gives us freedom to choose in which capacities we desire to know and serve Him more. And regardless of where our decisions lead us, "He is with us always." (Matt. 28:20)

Well, after so much consideration, and thoughts, and prayer I arrived at my decision. There were certainly logistical reasons that played into my decision, but I ended up deciding on UCLA because I believed that it would be a good next step in helping me grow spiritually, personally, and professionally. Yet already, doubt and fears of "what's next" have begun to set in. My two years in China can be summed up as a season of learning, growing, trusting, traveling, teaching, abiding, investing, leading, impacting, and praying. It's been one of the hardest and challenging, yet most fulfilling and worthwhile times of my life. And maybe you're thinking, but you live in a foreign country, why wouldn't you be overjoyed at coming back to "real" life in America?! Well because the truth is, this place, has become home for me over the last two years and it's rather hard to leave. 

It's hard to leave when your shy students start to show signs of confidence by the end of the year, or when your sassy student that always sits in the back of the class acting like she doesn't give a rip about your class sends me a note thanking me for loving her and coming to China to be her teacher, or when my Chinese colleagues are finally starting to become familiar with me and remember my name, or when my Chinese city of 3.4 million finally starts to feel less ginormous and even vaguely "comfortable" and familiar, or when I make language advances and am finally able to say more than just "hello" and "I want that" in Chinese in conversation with my print shop friends I see on a daily basis, or when my toilet constantly being broken and power/water randomly going out become my new “normal”,  or when I've finally chosen at least one Chinese meal that I know I definitely like at each of the restaurants outside of my dorm building, or when teammates become more like family, or when conversations with students over lunch move from just shallow typical culture questions, into more thoughtful spiritually seeking questions, or when I share the good news with a students who may be hearing it for the first time, or my absolute favorite, when I get to be front and center when the women I lead and disciple make bigger, lordship decisions to follow their Savior.

These are all hard things, people, and places to say goodbye to. Especially when it’s taken a me about a year to adjust, and to feel like my “new normal.” Nevertheless, I am transitioning and entering into a new season that I feel that The Lord is calling me to. And certainly it will be full of difficulties and challenges, but through these I know I will be forced to depend on, trust, and to have deeper faith in our Good Good Father even more.

But as I was journaling I was reminded of one of many of The Father's promises regarding His sheep. If I’m being honest, I’ve never felt more like a sheep that I have within the last couple weeks.  I think, if a sheep had feelings, they would often feel relatively weak, dependent, and incapable. These are things I’m feeling as I end one season of my life and enter into a new one. But then I was reminded of Psalm 100:3 and Psalm 95:7 which both remind us of whose we are. Sheep don’t feel secure, safe, and provided form in who they are, but in whose they are-they are their shepherd’s sheep. That is me. I am a sheep in His pasture and can find security, provision, and hope in knowing that I am shepherded by my Savior. Transitions are difficult for anyone because it means change, and as humans we are wired to seek out security and comfort. However, I’m learning that I will not find this in my circumstances and can only find it in our good and perfect Shepherd. Times of transition force me to sit at His feet and depend on Him.

If you are like me and currently find yourself in a season of transition, or will soon be in a season of transition, learn to be like sheep. Learn to be like sheep who are secure in this upcoming season not because of who you are but because of whose you are. “Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.” (Psalm 100:3) 

Be Encouraged,

Alysse 

Practical Graces

I have finally had my most embarrassing cultural/language blunder and it was only a matter of time. And through this blunder I learned and was challenged by His practical graces in our everyday lives.

So I went to my favorite restaurant right outside of the gate near my building. I walked in and ordered the exact same dish I get every time, called jia chong dofu (basically a tofu dish). I ordered and then the waitress came back and said the worst words I could’ve heard at that moment: meiyou (we don’t have that dish).

She then hands me a menu that is written in all Chinese characters, (of which after 7+ months I still cannot read, what so ever.)  There are no pictures which is often my saving grace at other menus. At this point I slightly start to freak out because I want to eat there, it’s crazy crowded, and I don’t read or speak Chinese. My heart is racing and I must think really fast, if I want to actually keep my seat and eat at this restaurant. I proceed to call my team leader, (who speaks wonderful Chinese) but then decided against it because that would take too long and it would just be a hassle, plus there was no guarantee she would answer. I then try to type something in my translator app, but that doesn’t seem to translate very well and the waitress looks even more confused. Finally, I remember that my team leader had texted me a list of dishes that I was going to pick up for her, another teammate, and myself which included the dishes that we wanted in Chinese so I could just show it to waitress. I find the screenshot of the order and realize that I don’t actually know what it says and I don’t remember which dish I had ordered for myself, but I was 80% sure it was the other tofu dish that I wanted.

I finally order and after maybe 15 minutes my food comes, well I thought it was my food. I was by myself at the time so I sat at one of the tables and another guy who had come by himself sat opposite of me. The lady brought the plate of food that looked like the exact tofu dish that I thought I had ordered. He and I raised our hands at the same time and he allowed me to have the first dish, expecting that his plate was coming next. Then the waitress comes back with a different plate of food and then lots of Chinese is spoken, and people start looking at me and then I realize what happened. I didn’t order what I thought I had, and the plate of food I was eating wasn’t mine-it belonged to the gentleman sitting across from me.

Needless to say, I was SO embarrassed. I heard some people snickering to themselves and I literally wanted to crawl in a corner. Fortunately, I was sitting across from a very kind man who kept saying “Meishi” (it’s ok)  after I repeatedly said bu hao yisi (my fault) and doubuchi (I am so sorry). The man I sat across from was very kind and didn’t make a big deal of the situation and was gracious in accepting the plate of food that I had ordered, despite the fact that I had taken the food that he had actually ordered. He was incredibly gracious about the situation and even engaged with me in some small talk, in English.

This situation taught me a lot of things, but it taught me most about the practical graces that The Father allows us to receive and about the many opportunities we have to show practical grace to others. In general, most Chinese people are fairly kind to foreigners and are patient with us as we struggle through a basic sentence in Chinese. But of course, everyone here is not that way, and I have had my fair share of run-ins with those people who are not as kind or patient with foreigners.

If I’m being honest this man handled this situation far better than I probably would have. If I’m being real I probably would have been really annoyed, irritated, and upset that I didn’t get the order that I wanted. But the gracious response of the kind man sitting across from me reminded me of the importance in taking advantage of opportunities to show grace to others, just as an outward expression of the amazing grace I have received in The Son.

That man doesn’t realize it but he challenged me to show grace to others when I have the opportunity, he challenged me to be patient and empathize with foreigners in the US, and he challenged me to simply not sweat the small stuff. Overall I’m thankful for this language blunder, because in it I got to experience the practical grace that The Father shows us each and every day.

Picture of the Week: 

This is the dish that I always order at this specific restaurant (basically it's tofu over rice) 

Where in the World is Alysse?

These days, the question in my title of this post is a fairly legitimate question. As I am currently writing this I am actually back in Harbin. However, for the last month or so I have been all over Southeast Asia.

Due to the Chinese New Year also referred to as Spring Festival, all universities end the first semester in early January and don’t resume until the beginning of March. That gives us almost 2 full months of break and most of us use that opportunity to travel; and I was no exception.

We are given a small travel stipend by our school (who actually encourage us to leave campus) and whatever money we save on our own to travel as we please. Before people get upset as to why I didn’t come home during my break, all first year teachers are highly advised NOT to go home. In reality this is probably good advice since this is around the time that we are missing home the most and if we were to go home there is a very likely possibility some of us would not return.

Therefore, I took advantage of the opportunity to travel (with my friends) and had the pleasure of visiting so many cool new cities and countries including Shanghai, China; Bangkok, Thailand; Chaing Mai, Thailand (for our organization conference), and the beautiful beaches of Quy Nhon, Vietnam.

It’s so funny too because I am the first person to tell you that I absolutely LOVE  traveling, there’s just something so adventurous about going and visiting a place you have never been before. That being said, traveling can also be draining- airport after airport, plane after plane, and luggage after luggage. Traveling period can take it’s toll, but added to traveling all around countries in which you don’t speak the language it becomes a whole new beast to conquer. Would I trade it for anything? Absolutely not. Nevertheless am I thankful to be back settled in Harbin? One hundred percent.

I loved all the places I got to visit, sites I got to see, and people that I met but what was the biggest highlight of my travels? Definitely our organization’s’ annual Thailand conference. I was reunited with people I hadn’t seen since training over 5+ months ago and it was such a joy to catch up with my friends and hear about their first semesters and share stories of what The Father is doing in our lives and on our campuses. It was such a privilege to be able to gather with my brothers and sisters that are teaching and serving all over Asia and to worship with them. And my favorite part was the updates of our countries of service! To be reminded of how BIG Dad is and how much He is moving all over the world was so incredibly worshipful! It’s easy to get caught up in my small little bubble of what’s happening in my city, on my campus; but man to get a macro shot of what’s happening in other parts of the world was incredible to say the very least. During conference I was challenged, I was sharpened,  and I was encouraged. I’m leaving that time refreshed, refueled, and ready and excited to teach with excellence and labor hard for His glory.

As I get ready to prepare for the upcoming semester I am reminded of what Paul writes to the Galatians in chapter 9, “ And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up”. Last semester was filled with it’s own challenges and personal battles and I’m sure that this upcoming semester will bring it’s own challenges as well. But I’m encouraged not to grow weary of doing good. It’s comforting to know that as challenges arise this upcoming semester, which they will, that the same big Dad who cares about every ongoing all over the world is the same intimate Dad that cares for me and goes before me. It is His Son in me that will enable me to not grow weary of doing good.

Be encouraged,

Alysse
                                               Lots of pictures for this post! 

The iconic Pearl Tower in Shanghai

Wat Pho: Beautiful architecture of temples in Bangkok

Colorful boats during our River boat tour in Bangkok

Got to check off eating Pad Thai IN Thailand off my bucket list :)

In a tuk tuk in Chiang Mai, Thailand with some of my friends from training

Riding elephants in Chaing Mai, Thailand with my sweet friend Caroline 

The beautiful resort my friends and I stayed at in Quy Nhon, Vietnam

Finished with Finals

I’M DONE! I’m finally done with preparing, giving, and grading final exams. Last Monday is when I officially turned in all the paper work for each of my classes. It was a wonderful feeling to say the least.

The beginning of January not only signified the ending of my first semester teaching in China but it also signified the 5 months that I have been living China. I can’t lie I’m exhausted, physically, emotionally, spiritually I am exhausted. Over 5 months ago I packed my bags and headed to a China where EVERYTHING was new-a new job, a new language, a new culture, a new life. As I look back at these last few months-I wouldn't trade it for absolutely anything. Amidst all the newness has been so much growth in all areas of my life. I've grown to appreciate the depth of Chinese culture in a way I never have before, I have grown to LOVE teaching as a profession, and I have grown in my dependency on The Father in more ways than I could even try to count. So, so far the past 5 months although they have been new and challenging in various ways, they really have been full of so many joys.

Of my sweetest joys has been my Sophomore English Majors Public Speaking Class. That was my most difficult class to prepare for since it was twice a week (most classes are only once a week, which would mean one lesson plan per week) which meant two lesson preps a week along with my other classes I had to prepare for. But getting to see those students twice a week was so fun for me. I developed what I would consider to be very good report with my students and seeing them twice a week only helped to deepen my relationship with them. They were seriously model students. They were motivated and eager learners which brought out an eagerness in me to teach them. I don’t take for granted that I teach at one of the top universities in China and that as a result my students’ English level is fairly high considering English is their 2^nd language. This allowed discussions we had in class to go a lot deeper than just surface level which seemed to create a fun learning environment for them and for me. Overall I could literally brag about my students all day long, they were absolutely incredible and I am not only proud of them and the growth they exemplified in the classroom but I am also honored and feel privileged to have gotten to teach them.

Unfortunately I won’t teach them next semester which makes me REALLY REALLY sad cuz I swear I have grown such a deep love for each one of those students. I literally bawled my eyes out on the last day of class when I told them I wasn't teaching them next semester, and the feelings seemed to be mutual because my students also seemed to be equally sad that I wasn't teaching them. Those students forever have my heart and I will ALWAYS remember them, especially because they were the first college students I ever taught in China.

I took the opportunity to give them a small demonstration of the love I have for them by bringing snacks and drinks for them to enjoy during the movie we watched on the last day of class (they had already taken their final exam). I bought food, drinks, plates, and cups with my own money. On this particular day it was snowing REALLY hard and the campus supermarket is far from the building I teach in. Not only was it snowing really hard but I had to carry everything I bought which was really heavy since I bought so many drinks. The crazy thing about it is that, I really wasn't all that concerned about the money I spent or the time and effort it took to bring it to my students, I was honestly just so excited to surprise them with a treat that I really didn't care about the hassle of bringing it to them.

This reminded me of how the Father must feel when He blesses us and lavishes us with blessings in our lives that we simply don’t deserve. He loves His children and He loves to give us good gifts. James 1:17 reminds us that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” And ultimately it’s a bigger picture of the gift of our Savior, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross […]”. I’m thankful that even though I never did deserve it and never will, that I have a Father who loves me enough to send His only Son to take my place. And He doesn't stop there; He then takes me as His daughter and allows me to receive various other good and perfect gifts that He uses to draw me closer to Him.

Photo Of The Week:

The sweet Sophomore English Majors from my Public Speaking Class that stole my heart

It's Been a While

Forgive me for how long it’s been since I've written. Life here in Harbin has seemed to pick up speed at a very rapid pace. Life here is far from easy, and each day is full of its own challenges but by His grace, He has been sustaining me.

Much to my surprise it is already holiday season. I feel like I just got here, yet it’s been 5 months since I stepped on the Chinese soil and 3 months since I've been teaching. I wish I could tell you all that the adjustment period is officially over but it’s simply not. I’m finally beginning to realize that living in China is a constant, non-stop adjustment. Yes there is somewhat of a routine, but it doesn't change the fact that I’m constantly adjusting to my new life here. This constant state of adjustment has come along with some highs as well as some very hard lows. As holiday season is approaching I will highlight a few of the highs of which I’m thankful as well as the lows of which I’m also thankful for because it makes the highs that much more special.

My highs:

I’m growing and developing as a teacher which is really exciting seeing as how that’s my current career. I was recently observed by the administrator in the English department (my boss) and she said this of my class, “You did a wonderful job on Tuesday afternoon & I really appreciate your class. The theme was [innovative] and the objectives were quite clear. You organized several activities such as pair discussion and group discussion; you control the class in a good timing, and finally you offer positive feedback. I can see that the students are motivated in attending your class. Well done!” If I’m being honest this was a really sweet encouragement and very timely in that I've become slightly insecure in my role as a teacher. Constantly wondering if I’m doing things well or if I’m completely failing at my job and should be fired. This message was really sweet confirmation that indeed I’m doing what I’m supposed to do and it’s positively impacting my students. Second high has been my team. Recently there has been some conflict among some of my teammates, but the high is that we hashed it out, forgave each other and are moving forward. There was a lot of built up emotions on my end and it’s been sweet how The Lord has worked in my heart and already allowed for the restoration of the relationship to be sweeter than it ever was before. Another highlight is that I finally have a language tutor. (For those wondering Chinese is not a language that you simply “pick up” and become fluent in-sorry to crush your expectations. However I do have a tutor who will help me with the basics and she’s already seeing improvement and it’s been fun to get to use what I’m learning from her and actually put it into practice when I’m out and about.

My not so highs aka lows:

Very significant things are happening in the lives of my very best friends and I’m unable to be there with them during these times (an engagement to be specific).  Not only was I not there for the engagement but I just found out I won’t be back in the states for her wedding. I wish I could express the pain of how hurt my heart was. Biggest moment of my best friend’s life and I won’t get to be there. I guess I really underestimated what our Savior said when He told us that following Him wherever he leads would force us to count the cost. That’s been hard. Secondly, it’s holiday season, a time that I normally spend with my family. I’m usually ok with homesickness but this season my longing to be with them is increasing and only growing stronger. Looking to my Ultimate Comforter for comfort. Lastly, it’s getting colder and temperatures are dropping fast. Although it’s been warmer this time of year than it was last  year in Harbin, the harsh Harbin winters are on their way. If you know me you know I’m not the biggest fan of cold weather so lift up that I wouldn't develop a bitter heart despite the bitter winter.

What else to lift up:

1)That my $1300 short of being funded would be provided

2)The Father would move in the hearts of the women in my study

3)Comfort in being so far away from my family during the holidays 

         Pictures of the Week (I posted more since it's been so long)

My student had knitting supplies and it reminded me of my mom, who loves to knit  

A fun night of having students over for a fun game of Uno

First snow sighting in Harbin

My favorite girls came over to my apartment to introduce me to hot pot 

I love getting to watch my students take part in activities outside of the classroom 

Safe & Secure

I apologize that it has been so long. If I was being honest sometimes I'm not always exactly sure of what to say in my blog so I wait, until I feel like I have something of substance to actually post.

However it's been over two weeks so I will share what I've done and what I've been learning during that time.

As far as teaching is concerned I by no means am an expert and far from it, but I genuinely do enjoy it. I know I've expressed that already but there are just some moments that I get to step back and think wow my job really does have a lot of value and meaning. In addition, I've learned about myself that what brings me joy is seeing other people in improve. I especially love seeing people improve when I get to be a part of the process. Specifically, I love seeing this occur in the academic setting among students both in the classroom and outside of the classroom.
I've only been teaching for about 3 weeks or so but there have already been cool moments where I'm thankful and excited that I have the amazing privilege of being a teacher, in China nonetheless.
One instance especially stands out. So I teach two sections of Sophomore English Major Public Speaking Courses. Well last week ended our first unit and each student had to prepare and give a 3-5 minute speech.
One of my students is PAINFULLY shy, like literally when you talk to him you think you are hurting him. Well it was his turn to give the speech and guess what...? He NAILED it. He did an AMAZING job, so much so that even the entire class was impressed and EVERYONE clapped for him. He didn't speak perfectly or anything but everyone knew that giving speeches was the LAST thing this student ever wanted to do, but he did it and executed many of the speech giving skills we had covered during that unit. So I was already incredibly proud of him and excited right? Well then I had a couple of other students affirm me and tell me "wow Ms. Alysse you are a great teacher because (the shy student) is usually very bad at giving speeches and talks very quietly and is very shy, but in your class he did a great job and opened up more."
How is that for encouragement and affirmation?! As a new teacher it was pretty cool to get such positive feedback from your students. Needless to say I was excited and am feeling incredibly optimistic for the rest of the year.

What have I been learning about The Father? In essence I've been learning a lot about security, where I've been trying to find it, and where it is truly found. I have a major heart idol of control and living and serving in another country only exposes that. I've realized lately that I've been trying to find my security and strength within myself, or in others, or in circumstances; and you know what... they all fail me every time.
 I was journaling through Matthew 24:35 the other day and was reminded of where true security is found-which is in Him and His Word. I was then led to a cross reference in Isaiah 40:8 which says that "the grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our [Father] will stand forever." Again, reminded that if there is anything that is guaranteed, sure, and constant in my life that I can always cling to it's The Father and His Word. The security that He offers is better than any situation or circumstance that I could try to manipulate by my own two hands. I'm thankful that He's a Father who is good in allowing me to fail and giving me grace to return to Him and wise in not allowing me to be the one who is ultimately in control.

Learning daily how to allow Him to be the master of my fate and captain of my soul.

Photos of the Week:

Was able to share in my sweet friends' first ever taco eating experience! I love these girls!

Was able to get out of the city and go on a retreat with whole city team and this was the amazing view!

First Day of School!

Hey guys,

So it's been a pretty exciting week. Why was it so exciting do you ask, well about 5 days ago was THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!! It's SO different being on the opposite end of things AKA me being the teacher instead of the student. My advantage is that I was recently a student so I know that oftentimes the first couple days of class always tend to set the tone for the rest of the year. As far as I can tell it seems like I set a tone of challenge and growth as well as liveliness and excitement. At least that's my opinion, Chinese people aren't known for showing large amount of expression, so from the little bit of feedback that I've gotten, I think my students would affirm my assumptions.
I'm only one week in, but I really do love it ya'll. I love being in a position where I get to help my students learn, grow, and develop not just as English speakers but as people. I also love what and who I am teaching. So I teach a Public Speaking class for Sophomore English majors and I also teach a basic Oral English course for Non-English major post graduate students (most of which are studying Engineering). Teaching is fun indeed it's very enjoyable, but it is also a lot of work. Rather, it's a lot of work if you want to do it well. As a part of my witness to my students I'm striving to pursue excellence in my teaching, which means putting in a significant amount of time and effort. I'm new to this whole teaching thing so I think it automatically takes longer for me simply because I'm getting the hang of it all. Most of the teachers in my organization teach similar classes related to English for instance: oral English, or a Basic Writing course, or some themed courses. This is helpful because teachers are able to share lesson plans and ideas with new teachers. In my case, for my Public Speaking course this isn't as popular of a class so there are fewer lesson plans that are already prepared, so I'm doing a lot of creative thinking in my lesson planning. It's tough because it's stretching me...A LOT. Creative thinking doesn't come natural to me so I'm being challenged and to be honest it's good for me. Not to mention no matter how long it takes me to write my lesson plans (sometimes up to 3 hrs) it's always a huge privilege to see it come to life in my classroom as my students engage in my lesson. As for my Master's students I LOVE teaching that class. I'm learning that I love things related to professional development and my grad students are soon to be professionals so I love helping them with things related to interview skills, and resume's and professional communication etc. All this to say, teaching is hard work, but it's oh so incredibly rewarding.
What is The Father teaching me as of late? In short He's been revealing a lot of built up pride that's been developing which to be honest has been leading me to unnecessary pressure to do everything right. Jeremiah 9: 23-24 exposed my heart but also was the truth that I needed to hear to restore my heart. It says "Thus says the Lord: 'Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord'"
I hadn't realized it but I was beginning to try to make much of myself in a lot of different areas particularly in teaching and building intentional relationships with my students. I found myself trying to be the best teacher so that everyone would look at me and think "WOW she's new to this teaching thing but she's such a good teacher", seeking this response both from my students and my teammates. As a result there was a lot of built up extra pressure I was putting on myself to be amazing at teaching and not make mistakes. Totally unrealistic right? Well that's what was going on in my sinful heart. Then with building intentional relationships I was experiencing similar feelings of pressure to try to build relationships with girls as soon as possible so that I'll look good in front of my teammates and even my supporters. Well this verse both convicted me and put me at ease. I was convicted that I was trying to be a "wise man boasting in my wisdom" when in reality the only thing I can truly boast in is knowing and being known by The Father. This verse settled my restless heart, significantly. It's so much more freeing to boast in The Son, rather than trying to attempt to boast in myself. Besides when it boils down to it He's the Wisest of the Wise, The Mightiest of the Mighty, and the Richest of the Rich anyway right? ;)

 Photo of the Week:

A class selfie with one of my Sophomore English Major Public Speaking Classes! :)